Saturday, November 30, 2013

Twas the Night Before Obamacare

By Craig Andresen / The National Patriot

So…According to the Dictator…

“This holiday season, millions of Americans have a chance to get quality, affordable health insurance—many for the first time. If you have family members who are uninsured, you can play a big part in helping them find coverage that works for them. It might not always seem like it, but your family listens to you. So have the talk.”


Yes…Obama wanted you to talk to those gathered around your Thanksgiving table about…Obamacare.

He even suggested the things your holiday guests should bring to the feast.

No…Not cranberry sauce or that green bean casserole with the crunchy onion rings on top.

Here were his suggested side dishes for the main meal of Obamacare.
  1. Your Social Security Number
  2. Information about your employer and income— either a pay stub or a copy of your most recent W-2 tax form
  3. If you currently have health insurance, you’ll need your health insurance card or paperwork that includes a health policy number

Why not have your friends and family just bring a steaming HAGGIS???

But wait…There was more…

“Start early: Don’t wait until the last minute—be sure to start the conversation early!”
“Integrate the talk into family time: Take advantage of downtime after meals or between holiday activities to start your talk.”

Gee whiz…That steaming haggis, a Scottish “gourmet” dish made of sheep’s pluck (heart, liver and lungs); minced with onion, oatmeal, suet, spices, and salt, mixed with stock, and traditionally encased and, boiled in, the animal’s stomach and simmered for approximately three hours, along with the resulting olfactory assaulting gas attack, is sounding like the better alternative.

Well…Thanksgiving has come and gone, leftovers are being made into sandwiches as decorations are being hung by those not brave or insane enough to hazard black Friday shopping or wading through the carnage of it today and, before we are dictated to regarding the conversation of our upcoming Christmas gatherings…

Allow ME to kick off the Season with a REASON by supplying you with a NEW Christmas classic.
Now gather ‘round and lend an ear as I tell you a tale of Christmas cheer…

The Night Before Obamacare

(A Visit From Dear Leader)

Twas the night before Obamacare, and all through the land
The enrollment deadline was frighteningly at hand.
The pink slips were hung by the chimney with care,
And hopes for employment simply weren’t there.
The children were huddled, asleep in their beds
While visions of high premiums took hold of our heads.
And Ma in her “kerchief, and I in my cap,
With nary a clue and a policy gap.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Oh my GOD, please tell me that THAT’S not a rash.
The policy I liked had been taken away
And the DOCTOR I liked had told me NO WAY.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a Canadian bus and 2 REALLY large ears.
It was a little old campaigner, so my door I did lock,
I knew in a moment it no doubt was Barack.
More rapid than vultures the coursers they came
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!
“Now Harry! Now Nancy and Jarret, you vixen!”
“ON Sebelius! On Carney! This law I’ll be fixen’”
Get AWAY from my house, stay OUTSIDE the wall!!
As dry leaves that before his bloviations did fly,
When they meet with the TRUTH just as plain as the sky.
So UP in the yard the coursers they flew,
With a crock full of crap and a teleprompter too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard in the night,
That Ted Cruz was the one who was actually RIGHT!
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
He was a bald-faced liar, from his head to his foot,
And his website was still down, not working, kaput.
A bundle of promises he had flung on his back,
He was nothing but a con man, a shyster, a hack.
His eyes didn’t twinkle, what he had, was a leer,
As he made a noise in his throat and said, ”Let me be perfectly clear.”
“You’ll LIKE socialism, You’ll see, Just go with the flow,”
And “I’m a Marxist, TRUST me You’ll LOVE it, I KNOW!”
He gave me a smile as he lied through his teeth,
And the smoke he was blowing encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a thin face and not much of a belly,
But his WIFE’S double wide keester, THAT shook just like jelly.
She was chubby and plump, and looked like a Wookie
And I laughed when she told me to put down the cookie.
A wink of his eye and a twist of her head,
Soon led me to know I had PLENTY to dread.
Barack finally stopped talking, but went straight to his work,
Redistributing wealth, good grief, what a jerk.
And flipping the finger while thumbing his nose,
And leaving us nothing, up the chimney he rose!
He jumped on his bus, to his team gave a shout,
And away they all sped, the minions…The lout.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
Okay…Aside from the obvious tie-in between Obama wanting us all to talk about Obamacare during the holidays, there is a rather unique reason for choosing Clement Clarke Moore’s poem, “A Visit From St. Nicolas” for this parody.

It turns out that Clement Clarke Moore’s father , Benjamin, had a rather unique place in American history.

Benjamin Moore officiated at the inauguration of our first president, George Washington and I rather doubt that today, 43 presidents and one Dictator later, either Mr. Moore or president Washington would agree with one single thing about Obamacare.

And you thought he was only famous for paint?

The holidays, Thanksgiving, Hanukkah and of course, Christmas, are for family and friends, thanks for the blessings we have and celebrating new beginnings.  The holidays are not for mandated government redistribution of wealth, dictated socialism or…Obamacare but, if you MUST bring up Obamacare in connection with Christmas…

At least NOW you have the proper means by which to do so.

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