So the hundreds of thousands dead, the millions of refugees, the rise of ISIS, the enshrinement of dictator Bashar Assad -- none of it ever happened. According to the State Department, everything's going swimmingly.
More good news: the Obama administration has also defeated terrorism: "Winning Fight Against Violent Extremists." Oddly, more Americans now say that America is losing the war on terrorism than at any time since 9/11; 74 percent of Americans say they are dissatisfied with how the war on terror is progressing.
But the news gets even better: the State Department proclaims that it has achieved Iran's disarmament: "Iran Peaceful Nuclear Program Ensured." Well, there is that whole awkward Iran continuing to develop whatever it wants while funding terrorism across the world with money freed up by the United States and its allies. But really, we've stopped the mullahs dead in their tracks.
There are only two possible rationales for this sort of disconnect with reality: first, the Obama administration knows they're full of it, but they keep on gritting their teeth and pushing the misinformation; second, they seriously believe that they are achieving magnificent results. In other words, they're either cynical or delusional.
My money's on delusional.
Barack Obama is a pseudo-intellectual who believes so deeply in the power of his own ideas that he gets lost in them. It never occurs to him that they could breed violence or evil. They're beautiful. Like Dr. Manhattan in "Watchmen," he'd rather build crystal towers of stunning meticulousness on Mars than anything of value here on Earth -- but unlike Dr. Manhattan, he won't leave Earth alone. He'll transplant his notions of reality onto the rest of us.
Thus alleged deserter Bowe Bergdahl becomes a soldier who served honorably; Benghazi becomes a battle over a YouTube video; Israel becomes the aggressor against the peaceful Palestinians; ISIS becomes a jayvee threat; Iran becomes a potential ally. Obama has done the calculations on his chalkboard, and they all add up.
Except that they don't. But that won't stop Obama from pursuing his equations, thinking himself the John Nash who revolutionized game theory when he's actually the John Nash pasting headlines about the communist conspiracy to the walls of his study. It's all still beautiful in his head. It's just delusional.
And that delusion has real world costs. This week, we found out that Obama pressured Secretary of Defense Ash Carter to release more Guantanamo Bay terrorists into foreign hands, and even scolded him personally. Reuters reports, "Since then, the Pentagon has been more cooperative. Administration officials said they expect to begin transferring at least 17 detainees to foreign countries in January." The report said Obama fired Carter's predecessor, Chuck Hagel, for slow-walking Gitmo transfers as well.
That's because the Defense Department still has to operate in the realm of reality, where nearly 30 percent of Gitmo releases have either been confirmed re-entering the fray or are suspected of having done so. Obama doesn't have to worry about such realities. He's busy constructing crystal castles on Mars.
Except Mars is right here, on Earth.
And Obama's still the most powerful man on this planet.